The Modified Handshake…For Now
As an ENFJ, Ennegram 3 wing 2, touch-is-my-love-language type of personality, the lack of human contact during this pandemic has been a challenge. I'm a hugger and a handshaker, but I have a feeling that both of these may be less than warmly received for the next few months. Knowing this, I had to come up with an alternative; some way to stay connected to my friends, family and beloved strangers.
I first identified the need for a modified handshake when I met a contractor that came to the house to provide a quote for a new fence. As the gentleman stepped out of his truck with a mask, gloves and bottle of sanitizer, I got the impression that he would probably not appreciate a violation of social distancing including a handshake introduction. Instead, I found myself doing something that seemed rather natural and instinctual. I placed my hand on my chest and said, "Hi, I'm Jess. It's great to meet you". To my surprise, he immediately did the same. With a hand on his chest he introduced himself, "Nice to meet you Jess, I'm Rick". And just like that our modified handshake ensured that introductions were had in a safe, professional manner.
The second time this method came into play was bittersweet but powerful. Like many others, I experienced a birthday in quarantine. The traditional birthday brunch with friends and family was quickly replaced with a slew of FaceTime calls and Zoom chats...and one surprise visit. Now for reference, this was early April and we were all actively doing our part to flatten the curve. In my household that meant that I was in total quarantine lockdown, with only my husband leaving the house for groceries and to serve the community as essential law enforcement personnel. So when my parents arrived at the end of the driveway with birthday balloons in hand, they were the first familiar faces I had seen in person in nearly three weeks. As my mom and I stood several feet apart I could see the pain in her face knowing that we should maintain physical distance (due to high risk). I raised both my hands and placed them on my heart while telling her I loved her and how much their visit meant to me. She mirrored the gesture and we stood there smiling at each other with hands on our hearts - apart and together. Thus was born the modified hug.
Now I'm not saying from now on I am going to take this hands-off approach as my preferred method. As a matter of fact, I can't wait to start dishing out hugs and handshakes again. But I am saying that this gesture has been an effective alternative to show affection and create a form of human connection for the past few months. As we slowly get released back into our workplaces and other social gatherings I am assuming that distancing will still be encouraged for a little while, meaning that we all may need to adopt modified ways of interacting. Until we are out of the the woods and the social distancing recommendation is lifted, you are going to find me placing my hand on my heart as I say hello, goodbye, nice to meet you, welcome back, it's great to see you again, etc. It is my non-verbal way of closing the gap caused by the physical distance - from my heart to yours.
